Wednesday, January 29, 2014

OK – When is she going to be funny?

Can I confess that just two days into restarting this blog – again – I am already feeling pressured.  Not by you guys, you haven’t said a word.  (And yeah, about that, I really do better with some interaction folks, I mean it’s not like you HAVE to comment or anything but it’s easier to maintain the energy to keep going when you know someone is out there.  Just sayin’)   

But I feel pressured by myself.  I have perfectionist issues.  I think I do a decent job of not projecting them onto my kids but I self-flagellate with them ALL.THE.TIME.  (I know – TMI, right?)  The thing is I still hurt my kids with that perfectionism even if I only turn it on myself.  It’s what makes me hyper and stressed and leads ultimately to me going all psycho mama.   So I’m working on it. 

That’s one of the things they don’t tell you about in the mom handbook – which I never got my damn copy of by the way - that you have to work out your own crap if you don’t want to give your kids the same crap to deal with.* Maybe they left it out because they figured it was kind of obvious but in my opinion it’s of often the obvious stuff we over look.  And besides, even if you reason out on your own things like – I should not expect my kids to be perfect because it really screwed me up when my parents did that to me - A LOT of people are not going to get that by continuing to tote around your own baggage you will mess your kids up in the same damn way you don’t mean to. 

Because we are all going to give our kids some crap to deal with right?  But you’d at least like it to be different crap.  Hopefully a lighter load of it too right?  So I’m reminding myself once again – I don’t have to be perfect.  Not here, not at work, not at home.  My kids need to see (not just hear) that its ok to screw up sometimes, and it’s what you do after the screw up that matters more.  They need my example of being kind to myself so they can be kind to themselves.

There for I am giving myself permission to not have anything witty or interesting to say today.  Sucks for you guys but hey that’s life.   Hopefully, it will help me be better in the long run.

* How do I know it’s not in there if I don’t have the handbook you ask?  Well aren't you just a nosey little parker.  I do have friends you know.  Some of them are so together that it is obvious they got the book.  I ask them!!

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