Thursday, January 30, 2014

Biting My Tongue

Today – you are getting a rant.  I’m working slowly on crafting a better response but first, I need to let off steam.  I was speaking with a person yesterday, bless her little heart, who told me in all seriousness that she agrees with me “WE need to be doing more to make a place for THEM in OUR world.” (emphasis mine)

Yeah – Let’s just sit with that a second.    WE, THEM, OUR WORLD. 




I can’t scream it loudly enough on paper.  There is no THEM – only WE – an all inclusive WE.  And it’s not OUR WORLD  (“us” being the neuro typical people that think we own it)  it’s THE WORLD.  EVERYONE has a right to it – all of it – not some tiny part someone is willing to set aside.   How is this not segregation?  How do people not HEAR the fundamental wrongness of this shit as they say it?  Can't they taste the foulness of it on their tongue?  Can't they feel the blistering corrosiveness of it of it on their skin?

My temper went from zero to 60 in less than a second.  I wanted to say, “Fuck you.  Fuck your sensitive little condescending narrow mind.  How about I make a place for you?!?” 

But I didn't.  Be proud of me because it was very, very hard; but if I am really committed to making a difference, it’s not about how mad something makes me.  It’s not even about being right.  Its about being successful.  And I am committed to making a change in how the world deals with neuro cognitive diversity.

My dad and I talked about the difference between being committed to something and just being involved once.  He told me the difference was breakfast.  (Breakfast you are thinking?  The man was off his rocker.  It’s OK– I thought he was at first too but you are wrong just like I was. )  The difference between being committed to something and just being involved he said is bacon and eggs.  The chicken was involved but the pig was committed.  (Yeah, I just kinda called myself a pig.  What the hell, you can’t change the world without getting dirty. )

Sometimes, I’ll get to thinking about the way the world is now and if my son is going to be able to navigate it and it’s all so frightening I go into mommy  rage mode.  (For those unfamiliar with mommy rage - it’s kind of like a steroid rage only much, much scarier.)   What can I say?   I am capable of constructing a well thought out analysis of what is wrong and how we should fix it (problem solving is what I do for a day job after all) but to do that takes time and a lot of thought and some emotional distance.  Doing that when the issue impacts my children is not natural to me. Natural to me, once my emotions are engaged, is very simple - feel and react.  ( Hey - Not so different than my son operates come to think of it.  Now there is an idea worth exploring at some point.)

That natural reaction isn't very effective but I can’t always just suppress it.  Sometimes I really need the venting of a good rant to let me settle and think so I can construct the better crafted and convincing argument.   And whenever you are trying to change something – you need a convincing argument. 

 Like Machiavelli said “It ought to be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. Because the innovator has for enemies all those who have done well under the old conditions and lukewarm defenders in those who may do well under the new. This coolness arises partly from fear of the opponents, who have the laws on their side, and partly from the incredulity of men, who do not readily believe in new things until they have had a long experience of them.”  

 (Yes, Machiavelli may be part of my strategy - make no mistake I’m out to win on this one people! ) 

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